“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” says Hamlet in William Shakespeare’s celebrated tragedy, Hamlet. In this ever-changing world, where we continue to grow, learn and unlearn society’s rules, accepting human beings for who they are and who they fall in love with should not be a difficult task.
Literature has celebrated love in its myriad forms, from Shakespeare’s star-crossed lovers to E.M. Forster’s clandestine affairs. These tales are a testament that love is a universal language, transcending gender, sexual orientation, and social constructs.
Whether it is Jane Eyre’s (Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte) unwavering spirit or Holden Caulfield’s (The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger) quest for authenticity, these characters remind us that our identities are not defined by others, but by our own truths.
How difficult is it for someone to accept one for what/who they are?
Bakor, (she/her), a transgender activist who works with the Manbha Foundation and SAATHII (Solidarity and Action Against The HIV Infection in India) answers that question with a semblance of confidence. “As long as you see yourself in the mirror and accept yourself, society does not matter,” she declares.
She faced a multitude of emotions and uncertainties in her life. To gain clarity and understanding, she sought professional guidance, enlisting the support of a psychiatrist. Through introspective sessions, she gradually unearthed her true identity as a transgender individual.
Bakor, who went on a journey of self-discovery during the pandemic assumed she was gay, and was attracted to men. However, she declared that psychiatric help showed her the mirror of who she is.
The story of Joysri (she/her), a student, is different in the sense that her discovery as a transwoman was not recent. She mentions that her sexual orientation is a heterosexual woman, whose gender identity is that of a transgender woman.
She added, “I’ve always strongly felt that I am a girl. Things like playing with barbie dolls, wearing jewellery, and dressing up as a girl came naturally. Nobody had to teach me how to dress up like a girl.”
The term ‘transgender’ is an umbrella term, and often refers to people who do not primarily identify with the gender and/or sex they were assigned at birth.
Bakor, while explaining about how there are a variety of transwomen, points out there are transgenders (transwomen) who have masculine qualities, but identify as a woman; transwomen who do not go through the transitioning process but have feminine attributions; and transgenders who go through the process of transitioning.
For Joysri, the notion that sex change surgery is an essential requirement for individuals identifying as transgender, is a misconception.
Being a trans person is primarily about an individual’s gender identity, which may not align with their assigned sex at birth. While some transgender individuals may choose to undergo gender-affirming surgeries as part of their transition, trans persons who have not undergone surgeries have their own journey that is unique and valid.
“Gender identity is not contingent upon surgical procedures, and many trans individuals find fulfilment and authenticity through other means, such as hormone therapy, social transition, and self-acceptance. It is crucial to respect and support individual choices regarding their transition, and recognise that surgery is not a necessity for their identity to be valid and affirmed,” mentions Joysri.
One of the biggest struggles of the trans community in Shillong, is the healthcare sector where lack of inclusiveness is a major stumbling block.
The first openly transgender activist, Donna Marwein (a ray of light for various queer persons to come out of the closet), passed away from a liver ailment –there were allegations of medical negligence due to her gender identity.
“There are some hiccups for sure, but I can say things are getting better with time,” says a hopeful Bakor, who has been working towards the inclusion of transgenders in the healthcare sector. She is involved in working with several organisations to work for the betterment of the community.
Joysri’s experience has been different – being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community and trying to be involved in various activities were “really toxic” for her. “I do not know about what others feel, but there have been people in the community who have tried to make me feel bad about myself.”
For individuals who identify as queer, acceptance can have a significant impact on their well-being and sense of belonging. The people close to them directly impact their mental health. Acceptance allows queer individuals to live authentically, without fear of discrimination or rejection, and to express their identity without shame or secrecy.
Jack (name changed on request) identifies as gay (MSM-Gay, Bisexual and Other Men who have sex with men), with his pronouns being “he/him”.
He works with Manbha Foundation towards MSM and transgenders as they are more likely to be affected from sexually transmitted diseases like HIV/AIDS and syphilis.
He responded casually when asked about how his parents (who are ardent Christians) responded to his sexual identity. He said, “When I told my mom I am gay, she gave me the Bible and told me to read it. This concept of gender and sexual identity is alien to them, and you cannot blame them either… they do not know better.”
The MSM community is rather hidden in Shillong. As a member of the NGO, Jack has been working towards this cause because it makes it easier to identify them. More importantly, they know that their identity will not be compromised with.
He jokingly emphasises on how he has to put up two different personalities in front of two different friend groups. “I am a different person in front of the friends who know about my sexual identity; I am more myself in there. In front of the other group, I am a strong masculine man.”
Like the celebrated Frank O’Hara in his poem, Homosexuality, wrote,
“So we are taking off our masks, are we, and keeping
our mouths shut? as if we’d been pierced by a glance!
The song of an old cow is not more full of judgment
than the vapors which escape one’s soul when one is sick”
Bakor, Joysri, and Jack emerge as beacons of resilience, navigating the complexities of their identities while fighting for recognition amidst a backdrop of evolving society.
Their journeys of self-discovery, the quest for acceptance, and advocacy efforts shed light on the evolving landscape of rights and inclusivity. As we celebrate pride month, let these stories be a testament for us to create a world where every individual can live authentically, free from judgment and prejudice.